Relationships Matter: Cheaters

By Kimberly Kelly

Marriage. Marriage is a state of honor and respect. At least that is what fairy tales tell us. I am in my last year of graduate school working on obtaining my Masters in Professional Counseling. Now, I feel like I have heard it all from my friends and even family members. One would assume that if someone would love you so much that they would vow before God, family and friends that they would truly respect and honor you! Unfortunately, that’s not always the case.

So, what happens in someone’s head when he or she decides to cheat or step out? You said it, respect, and honor flew out the window as fast as one could say home wrecker! However, what really goes through the mind of a cheater as he or she is about to act on these urges? This is something that I have turned the tables on friends and family and began asking them questions about; I have heard that sometimes people cheat because they are bored, they are missing something inside of them, their partner is not sexually satisfying, they were not happy in their marriage…and so on and on. The one common theme that I see here is selfishness!

I am starting to feel that a self-serving attitude—no matter what the end desired result is—is the root to this path of destruction. However, what is forgotten in all of this, usually, is the person who was left holding their heart in their hands shattered into pieces. This person starts to feel devalued, heartbroken and will have a scar that prevents him or her from being able to trust anyone. Trust and respect are given automatically when you marry someone, but when it is breached, it must be rebuilt. It is like a seed that is planted; it must be watered, fertilized and given sunshine and love. Without these things it will die! In addition to the devastated partner, there are often children deeply harmed by an affair; these are the children that do not trust anyone and refuse to commit (you know the commitment phobic)!

So, still why would someone cheat? In my opinion it’s because they are selfish! No if, ands or buts. Selfish! I know that I will probably get emails, letters and comments from this article, but before you email me and say, “I cheated only because I was lonely and neglected in my marriage, and I was not selfish”…  I would like to have you look deeper at how your situation could have been fixed without others being harmed in your self-satisfying quest! Because when it comes down to it, it was self-serving. Now, if you are that miserable in marriage there are wonderful resources to help you and your partner get back on track or move on in a way where people’s emotions are not destroyed. Therefore, if you are thinking about stepping out to have some fun or whatever the reason is…do me—or actually do yourself—a huge favor think twice, three times or as many as you can think about it. Because this will only be a temporary fix for happiness; the storm that comes from your actions is an awfully high price to pay for all of the parties involved!

This is Kimberly Kelly saying, “Think twice, or ask for advice.”

Readers please feel free to write in with your questions and I would love to try to get to your questions and hopefully build a relationship with you! I look forward to your questions and comments and hope that you will be around for more columns. Send comments or questions to .