One Brick Short

And the president shall lead them.

President Barack Obama is demanding Detroit automakers remake themselves in the next two months into slicker, leaner, meaner automotive manufacturers or bite the big B: Bankruptcy.

To prove his point, President O’s folks escorted GM chairman Rick Wagoner out of the building and indicated they will have a greater hands-on role in the changes, both personnel and product. And that’s good. After all, who knows more about making the kinds of cars that people want and ensuring the quality they will buy than Congress and the White House staff?

Obviously the car companies don’t know doodily. Left to their own devices, American makers gave We, the People the SUV, which We, the People didn’t need, but obviously wanted as We, the People bought big boat loads of them until We, the People started getting slammed with $4 gas gallons.

They gave us small cars, too—the Chevy Cobalt, the Dodge Caliber, the Pontiac G4—but We, the People preferred Toyotas, Hondas and Subarus.

So, with government as a future controlling shareholder, the question is what kind of car will elected officials provide for us to buy?

It must be fuel efficient.

It must be easily recycled and, best of all, use recycled material so that it’s original carbon footprint is small.

It must have parts that are easily interchanged because we need to make sure that everyone can afford it.

It cannot be too large or too comfortable, lest it promote unnecessary driving and unnecessary use of fossil fuel.

It must be reliable enough to convince people to buy it, but not too reliable or people won’t take public transportation.

It must be small enough to fit into parking spaces.

It must have styling that is not so appealing that it instigates class wars or jealousy.

So what kind of car would Congress design?

It would design the Trabant 1.1. Made in East Germany for 40 years, at the end of its life it featured a 1.1-liter engine, body work made out of recycled plastics, paper, other materials and resins, easy-to-repair mechanicals and proletarian styling.

Go ahead and take a look at the future of American motors.

Hmmm, that bankruptcy option looks better all of the time.