One Brick Short

Remember that experimental satellite launched in December 2006 and not worth the billions of dollars it was built upon? The one that’s expected to reenter Earth’s atmosphere between the end of February and early March? The one that could almost never, ever, hardly hit a piece of inhabited planet at all?

Well, the boys in the band want to shoot it down.

Of course, it’s coming down already, but “because the satellite was never operational, analysis indicate that approximately 2,500 pounds of satellite mass will survive reentry, including 1,000 pounds of propellant fuel (hydrazine), a hazardous material,” according to the guys over at the Department of Defense.

Contact with hydrazine is hazardous, whether it’s on the skin or in the eyes, ingested or inhaled, and could result in immediate danger and/or death. Getting hit on the head with 2,500 pounds of redhot, reentered melted metal can be just as hazardous, so, the DoD is going to shoot that sucka down.

Can’t blame them, really.  How many of us guys would love to get the chance to find an excuse to shoot something totally inert and useless (hey, I heard that!) out of the sky with the great excuse of saving the world? It’s so Fantastic Four, so Superman that no one, not even the pacifists could resist taking a shot. Blasting that baby is, in military parlance, known as engaging it.

“If this operation is successful, the hydrazine will then no longer pose a risk to humans,” the DoD said. “Although the chances of an impact in a populated area are small, the potential consequences would be of enough concern to consider mitigating actions. Therefore, the President has decided to take action to mitigate the risk to human lives by engaging the non-functioning satellite.”

Better yet, because the Reagan-era Star Wars Defense system was never built, military folks are getting in touch with their inner Tim Allen and “extraordinary measures have been taken to temporarily modify three sea-based tactical missiles and three ships to carry out the engagement.”

“Our officials have high confidence that the engagement will be successful.” the DoDers said “We will determine the optimal time, location, and geometry for a successful engagement based on a number of factors. As the satellite’s path continues to decay, there will be a window of opportunity between late February and early March to conduct this engagement. The decision to engage the satellite has to be made before a precise prediction of impact location is available.”

In the event the engagement is not successful—Plan B—“all appropriate elements of the U.S. Government are working together to explore options to mitigate the danger to humans and to ensure that all parties are properly prepared to respond.”

Panic, in other words. In the meantime, “in the unlikely event satellite pieces land in a populated area, people are strongly advised to avoid the impact area until trained hazardous materials (HAZMAT) teams are able to properly dispose of any remaining hydrazine.”

Dang, sure wish I could pull the trigger on that baby!