One Brick Short

I’m walking the dog up the street, a couple of Kroger bags in my back pocket to help ease possible strained-relations with neighbors, and I’m thinking about art.

What is art? Who is Art?

Some would say Monet. Others would say Manet. Most would say money.

Beats me. I can’t do anything artistic. Miss Risch, my fifth-grade teacher, told me that my stick figures seemed less than one-dimensional, just before the fired-clay sculptures we made were put in the kiln and mine – by defect and not design – somehow exploded, wiping out an entire kiln shelf of class product.

But back to the dog, art and myself: Art has always flummoxed me and it continues to do so. Crucifixes in body fluids, splashes of color on an empty canvass; my mind often cannot grasp the subtleties of art. I’m not alone: The University of Virginia administration is right there with me.

For instance, officials at the illustrious school recently curbed an exhibit featuring colorful faux fecal matter and a cartoon-short of the vengeful, hellhound spirit of a former sports mascot, Seal. Infamous for the ultimate college prank — he “went to business school” on an opposing cheerleader’s megaphone — Seal was a big hit on campus back in The Day.

In keeping with the high standards set by Seal, some rather illustrious UVa alumni entered an art exhibit in his honor, featuring fecal matters and animation, an exhibit summarily rejected by the administration. Brian McNeill, news artist-in-residence at The Daily Progress, tells like this in today’s issue:

“Sculptor Irwin Berman, a 1962 graduate of UVa’s School of Medicine, created the scatological art-work as part of his exhibit titled “Sedentary Pleasures: UnCommon Stools.” The showing, which runs through June 15, showcases Berman’s wood, metal, plastic and glass sculptures in the shape of stools (of the sitting kind).

“In the surrealistic film, “The Great ‘Seal’ of Virginia: A Dreamscape,” the ghost of Seal rises from his grave after the Cavalier, UVa’s current mascot, pokes at a puppy dog with his saber. Seal’s specter angrily devours the Cavalier, flies into the night sky and then, through the miracle of digestion, deposits the orange-and-blue remnants of the Cavalier onto a massive wooden stool.”

Along with the film was Mr. Berman’s sculpture, a wooden stool covered in fake orange and blue dog droppings.

I don’t know as though I want to contemplate orange and blue doggie-doo. I mean, it ain’t Whistler’s Mother, now, is it? But, hey, what do I know of art?

Mr. McNeill quoted one of Berman’s three collaborators on the project, UVa alumnus and New York City-based animator Michael Wartella, as saying the artists were deeply disappointed that the university opted against showing the work.

“It’s not defecating on the school at all,” Mr. Wartella said. “We were totally taken aback. It’s so ridiculous. OK, sure, there’s defecation involved. But it’s an art film. You don’t have to like it.”

Art, it seems, is art, whether you like it or not.

“It’s outrageous that three alumni could come together to create a film to benefit the arts at UVa and the university just ‘poo-poohs’ it,” Mr. Wartella wrote to Mr. McNeill in an e-mail. “You’ve heard of Dadaism? Well, this isn’t da-da, it’s doo-doo — right in the face of the administration for being so near-sighted as to reject this gift to future students.”

Which may be a good way to look at things. For instance, I could utilize the Kroger bags now in my pocket to take care of an issue my dog just created, but I’m not going to. You see, this isn’t waste; this is an organic expression of time, movement and the process of living. This is real-life art, art of convenience. To remove it from my neighbor’s yard would be to reject this gift to future residents.

Sure, it involved defecation, but it’s art.

They don’t have to like it.

Next time, try watching the film before sounding off. It actually has very little to do with defecation and everything to do with the status quo’s (in this case The Cavalier’s) repression of the underdog.

Of course, every dog has his day, and in the film, Seal bites back with a vengeance!

Hey, Glider, thanks for writing.

I don’t have a problem with the movie. Heck, I’d probably enjoy a dog eating and eliminating the Cavalier. I just don’t have a great desire to see orange and blue poo. If I wanted to do that, I could feed my beagle Crayolas.