Dr. Wal-Mart is In
Got a fever of 103, with aches and chills and explosive vomiting? Go to Wal-Mart!
That’s right. The mega-retailer that has single-handedly destroyed all that is true and right in America with cheap imports from unheard of countries like Mini-Micronesia and Inner Swoboda, is opening in-store medical clinics under its brand name.
According to an Associated Press story written by Marcus Kabel, the Evil Empire will open “The Clinic at Wal-Mart” as a joint venture with local hospital systems in Atlanta, Dallas and Little Rock, Ark., starting in April. The clinics will, no doubt, spread like a nasty rash on the buttocks of American medicine, reaching into the country’s every nook and cranny as the retailer sips at the trough of Medicare, Medicaid and insurance companies.
The clinics, the medicinal equivalent to Jiffy Lube, are to be staffed mostly by nurse practitioners or physician assistants and offer quick service for routine conditions.
Wal-Mart is not alone. Other chains like Wal-Mart, CVS Corp., Target Corp. and Walgreen Co. partner with mini-clinic providers like RediClinic and MinuteClinic to expand Doc-In-The-Box operations. A trade group estimates there will be more than 1,500 by year-end, up from about 800 in November, according to Kabel’s story.
Wal-Mart already has privately-run clinics in 77 stores, including nine in Wisconsin and Florida operated by local hospitals. Clinics in 23 locations in Florida and three other Southern states have been in limbo since last month when New York-based CheckUps shut down, Kabel wrote.
Wal-Mart has also signed a letter of intent to partner directly with St. Vincent Health System, a part of the Catholic Healthcare Initiatives system, to open four cobranded clinics in Little Rock. Having the local hospital system involved increases the trust among shoppers who may not otherwise feel comfortable stopping at the in-store McDonalds, picking up some cheap toiletries and getting stitches to repair that gash caused by an errant saw blade.
The story doesn’t say, and store executives aren’t talking, but my guess is there will soon be outpatient surgery clinics opening at the Wal-Mart Superstore near you with operations performed by Wal-Mart associates taking Internet-fed directions from outsourced medical personnel in Upper Musialstan. That way you can save money on your hernia and then take a powered cart down the aisle to the pharmacy for pain medication and that throw rug you’ve been meaning to get for the bathroom.
One stop shopping: It’s the American Way.
Posted by Bryan McKenzie at 08:15 AM. Filed under: Daily Screed •
