One Brick Short

Those damnable terrorists have a found a new way to assault our American Way of Life, a way far more insidious than the highly successful bin Laden plot of placing econo-terrorists as CEOs of large corporations and letting them make home loans.

Now they’ve recruited innocent American rodents to do their evil will.

Oh sure, you probably think that squirrel that created a massive power outage in Richmond over the weekend was just wandering about trying to find the best nuts when he wandered into a Dominion Virginia power substation and tossed 6,000 of the city’s finest into darkness not seen since Sherman. Wrongo, Billy-boy, that was a highly trained al Qaeda suicide squirrel.

You think it’s an accident that a mere squirrel can shut down two big substations in one city? No! The American power grid is too strong and its power companies to proactive in using those exhorbitant profits they make off ratepayers to let their system be so full of holes that a freaking squirrel seeking shelter can bring it down. Obviously, this squirrel was part of a plot.

Trained well in rodent terrorist camps in the country’s rustbelt (hey, where better to train squirrels to attack humans than in a place so economically disadvantaged that any squirrel is seen by the populace as a Thanksgiving meal?) the squirrel was brought to Richmond cleverly disguised as a hamster by al Qaeda operatives where it was given its mission and set loose to send us all into the 19th century.

Who would suspect a cute little, lawn-lubbing, acorn pilfering rodent was planning a power outage along a significant stretch downtown that would disable traffic signals at several major intersections for most of the day and send normally inattentive drivers slamming into each other in fits of texting and cell phone calling?

No one, that’s who.

There also were reports of people stuck in elevators in several buildings, including on Virginia Commonwealth University’s main academic campus. Some businesses also were forced to close.

As for the squirrel, if volts were dollars, the squirrel would have taken enough to bail out General Motors as it gave up its life to inflict terror into ours.

Such insidious behavior requires quick retaliation. We need to strike al Qaeda where this mission was planned. Quick, President Bush, bomb Canada!