Three strikes and they’re out
You know, there’s a lot you can do with the new Albemarle County anti-dog ordinance, if you use your imagination.
There’s a lot of dog owners out there who are a bit upset that Nannies of Albemarle County have declared their dogs a nuisance if the critters launch into annoying spates of barking more than three times.
Three complaints and the dogs are out, gone, removed. Exactly where the dogs will go we don’t know. Perhaps there will be canine concentration camp in some hellacious hole of a place like Elkton or maybe the dogs will have to be surrendered to the SPCA being as people can’t afford to sell their homes and move to a place that lets dogs be dogs. Maybe the dogs will have to be put down or have their vocal cords surgically removed or some other inhumane effort to comfort those neighbors upset at the staccato yelp.
But, if we stretch the county’s ordinance, we can get rid of many social ills that plague us.
Cats that fight in your yard, hissing, mewling and howling as they circle in fight-stance, boxing for the priviledges of eating the birds at the feeder and urinating on the doors to mark territory. If the cats howl and roar three times, they should be trapoed and removed The Country. There are lots of farmers out in The Country with barns and mice and rodents and farmers love to have more cats dumped on their doorstep.
Drivers who pull three bone-headed maneuvers in traffic should be forced to ride the bus and their cars turned into decorative lawn ornaments/planters. Teens in those buzzy-mufflered mini-cars with the booming base stereos should be forced to move to grandma’s. Noisy neighbors drumming in their apartments after 9 p.m. should have their hands surgically bound to their sides. Irritating bloggers write three mindless, empty blogs and they should be forced to return their Internet service to dial-up and elected officials who make three stupid decisions that affect the public should be forced to serve on the water-and-sewer board..
And, as for self-important, sermonizing news commentators, if they write three lame-brained, limp-minded missives they should be promoted to management positions. That way no one in the public need read their tripe.
Posted by Bryan McKenzie at 03:11 PM. Filed under: Daily Screed •
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Posted by ( ) on June 27, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Brian -
You forgot to include folks who carry on long and inane conversations on their cell phones in public spaces, subjecting the rest of us within earshot to all sorts of stuff we’d rather not know.
But seriously, We had someone move in nearby who has two of his dogs chained outside 24/7. They can bark incessantly for hours. Every car, squirrel, deer or person that goes by sets them off. We live in the country to enjoy peace and quiet, not listen to these dogs for hours at 2 am or while trying to relaxed on our screened porch. We talked to the neighbor first, who apologized profusely and promised to get a bark collar. Didn’t happen. OK, so every once in a while they stick their head out the door and yell at the dogs to shut up. Which of course, doesn’t happen, but at least they feel like they have made an effort. The animal control officer can do nothing, since there is no law to enforce. That is all this new law is - a means to an end - get them to be responsible pet owners. In our case, they finally moved the dogs behind their house which has helped a lot. I know if I left my dog chained outside, he would bark nonstop, so I don’t do it. Too bad we have to legislate what should be common courtesy.
I would love for all those who oppose the new ordinance to come up with solutions for those who have neighbors who can’t or won’t take care of their dogs. Try living with it for a week. As it is, the offended party has to prove 30 minutes straight of barking to get relief. That is a lot of work. And it has to be done 3 times before a dog can be taken away. I don’t want the dogs to go away, just stop barking after a minute. So, please poll your readers and ask them for their proposed solutions to the barking problem. How can you get someone who doesn’t care to change their ways? I wait with bated breath.
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