Who’s Your al-Baghdadi?
Apparently all the propaganda the Armed Forces folks have given us about kicking al-Qaida booty isn’t far from the truth, because now the terrorist base camp is calling for Iraq to be a launching pad of terror on Jerusalem.
Ah, Jerusalem; it is nothing and everything to everyone all at once.
Anyway, according to the Associated Press, Abu Omar “Who’s Your” al-Baghdadi, an apparently fictitious character that heads the “Islamic State of Iraq” (we have our own fictitious leaders) lashed out at Arab and Palestinian groups — especially the Palestinian Hamas — for failing to liberate the Palestinians.
No photo has ever appeared of Your al-Baghdadi, whom the U.S. describes as a prop to give an Iraqi face to an organization dominated by foreigners. The U.S. has said that, under interrogation, a top al-Qaida member revealed that an actor reads al-Baghdadi’s speeches, kind of like those Geico commercials featuring celebrities and real people.
No one said if it was Joan Rivers doing the reading: “Don’t worry, Abu, my jokes have bombed more times than al-Qaida in Iraq suicide squads.”
It’d be fun to see the James Lipton interview with Your al-Baghdadi’s voice on an “In The Actor’s Studio” segment on Bravo: “Kill them all and let God sort them out: How Dark Ages!”
Like Pat Robertson building his broadcast empire, Your al-Baghdadi called for his faithful to tithe $2 dollars a month. Unlike Robertson, who only suggested killing foreign dictators, Your al-Baghdadi would spend half the money killing moderate Palestinians and the other half killing moderates everywhere else.
In a 30-minute recording, Your al-Baghdadi also called on Hamas’ military wing to break away from the group’s political leadership and liberate Jerusalem, much as al Saladin did just before King Richard the Lionheart took it back just before al Saladin took it back, and … you get the drift.
The new posting came as Israeli security instructed embassies and Jewish institutions around the world to go on alert for revenge attacks. Seems a car bomb killed a top-wanted terrorist, Imad Mughniyeh, late Tuesday in the Syrian capital.
Gee, I wonder who did that?
The AP warned the authenticity of Thursday’s audiotape could not be independently verified, but noted that it was distributed by one of al-Qaida’s media production wings – “Bombs and Bodies: A bin Laden Joint” – and posted on more than one Islamic Web site.
Your al-Baghdadi threatened moderate Palestinians, lumping anyone remotely reasonable in the same handbag as “the infidel Jews, the renegade Palestinians” and certain Daily Progress blog writers. He called the state of Israel a “wicked germ sown in the (Palestinian) nation’s body which should be uprooted,” committing several literary crimes involving analogy abuse and metaphoric manslaughter.
Prosecutors are seeking the death penalty.
As for attacks on Israel, Your al-Baghdadi said the “Islamic state in Iraq will be the cornerstone for the return of [Islamic Jerusalem”] and added the group wants to use Iraq’s western province of al-Anbar as a launching pad for missiles against Israel — the same way the late Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein—hanged a couple of years ago—fired 31 missiles against the Jewish state in the Gulf War.
Unfortunately, the U.S. is in the way: “The Jews and the Americans have realized this and tried by all means to prevent us from achieving this target including the fierce campaign on al-Anbar, knowing that it is easy to fire missiles on Israel from some parts there,” Your al-Baghdadi said.
In the vast western Iraqi province, Sunni groups known as Awakening Councils last year abandoned their support for al-Qaida and joined the U.S. push to drive the militants out of al-Anbar, and have been credited with significantly helping reduce violence in the area.
Why is it that violence seems to be the one commodity of which this world has no shortage?
Posted by Bryan McKenzie at 07:25 AM. Filed under: Daily Screed •
