Upon Further Review

I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I know all the answers. Sure, I know most of them, but not all of them. (As the wife will surely tell you.)

But of all the things I know (and don’t know) there’s one thing I pride myself on: My ability to know when I’m drinking a fine, fine soda. Sadly to say, for you that is, this is something that one can neither teach nor learn. The lucky few are born with it.

I’m lucky, I know this. How else can you describe a person, such as myself, who knows that in order to say you talk about local football on a Webcast, that you, oh, I don’t know, have to actually talk about local football?  (And, sorry, but local football is high school football, not the Redskins or the like.) Let’s be honest here, I’m lucky to have the job I do. But then you step outside on a Friday, notice that it’s pretty darn cold outside and say to yourself, “Man, I have to walk the sidelines at a local football game in this weather?“  Sure, it’s cold, but I still love it.

Hey, you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have ... aw ... forget it. I’m gonna crack me open a Jones Pure Cane Soda Fufu Berry (No, I have no clue what this “fufu” berry is other than pretty darn tasty) and give you my picks. (Though I do wish I had a Fresca right about now. Speaking of which, did anybody buy Rachel Binda, Haley Quesenbery and Norah Curtis one yet? Just asking.)

Anyway, here we go:

The Bison are like the Fresca of the area. They’re cool, refreshing and it’s not often you have one. Really, you only buy one when you have “that taste,“ you know, when you’re ready to enjoy the king of the sodas.

The Green Hornets are more a straight up cola. The workhorse of the pop world, the one you grab when you want to feel that carbonated tickle on your tongue, but just don’t have the money to splurge on a sixer of Jones Pure Cane Soda. Sure, a regular old cola can get the job done, as the Hornets have twice this year, but a cola is also dead honest with you. It knows when you could have done better, just like Wilson Memorial coach Derek McDaniel who, after losing to Riverheads 28-0 last week, said the Gladiators took his team “behind the woodshed.“

So crack open that Fresca, watch Pickle Nuckols run all over a small, but tough, Wilson defense. Then, as the fine bouquet of this citrusy goodness explodes in your mouth, the aftertaste is like Michael Johnson. Quick, explosive and fun to watch.

So, yeah. I guess what I’m trying to say here is Buffalo Gap win its 22 straight dating back to last season’s championship run. But also watch as Wilson Memorial grows up a little and ads some flavor to that regular old cola.

In the soda world, nothing is as steadfast and a part of everyday Americana than Dr Pepper, named after a gentleman in Rural Retreat, Va. (Of course, we know Coca-Cola is the king, but we’re taking that fine, fine soft drink out of the equation, OK.)

In local football (you remember local, don’t you? You know, football that doesn’t involve talking about the Redskins, therefore one shouldn’t really say it’s a Webcast that talks about “local football,“ but I digress), nothing is more steadfast and a part of everyday AugustaCounta than the Gladiators or their coach, Robert Casto. Casto goes after 101 wins tonight in typical ho-hum fashion against a guy he’s been battling it out with since his arrival in Greenville back in 1996 — Stonewall’s Dick Krol.

Stonewall football is Shenandoah County’s answer to Riverheads. But I’ve been to games there and, whilst it does have a similar atmosphere, nothing beats the real thing. Stonewall is more like Mountain Lightning to Riverheads’ Dr Pepper.

And, as we all know, nothing, not even the imitators, can beat a good cold, crisp Dr Pepper.

Riverheads wins by seven.

Remember Slice? Do they still sell it? Or how about Mellow Yellow? Haven’t seen them in a while.

But this game is more like two Tabs going at it. They were great once. All the rage. Had spots in movies. Though like all things that were great once, they always seem to make a comeback.

I expect both of these teams to be great once again. But, right now, it’s just two teams going at it for their first district win. Tab won’t be making a comeback this year, and Fort Defiance wins this game by seven.

R.E. Lee is RC cola, you know, Royal Crown. Spotswood? Honestly, I have no clue other than they beat Stuarts Draft 7-0. So maybe they’re like Sprite. It’s not a 7-Up, but hey, you can’t complain if you wanted some lemon and lime flavor.

But nothing beats a Royal Crown cola. Nothing. That is until Region III playoffs roll around. But that’s a whole other blog (maybe about snack cakes or something.)

Lee wins by 20. (Moonpies extra, however.)

And another thing: Did anybody buy Curtis, Binda and Quesenbery their Frescas (Fresci?) yet?

Just asking.