Upon Further Review

I don’t pretend to know everything. OK, maybe I do pretend to know it all. But here’s a list of some things I’m pretty sure I know.

1) It’s slightly embarrassing when your wife has to finish the lawn you just mowed because, while she’ll never say it, you’re pretty sure she’s thinking, “He didn’t do it right.“

2) If you want to live somewhere, you have to pay your mortgage or rent on time.

3) You don’t step on Superman’s cape.

4) You shouldn’t spit it the wind.

5) I don’t care what anybody thinks, but the run by Buffalo Gap’s Michael Johnson at the 2:07 mark is, hands down, so sick it hurts. And, just think all we did was watch him do it, not tackle him, be left in his wake or forced to pick up our jockstraps afterward.

So I’m watching this catch-and-run over and over again Friday night into Saturday morning and the whole time I’m thinking: Wow, and Dae’Quan Scott does moves like this every game. Against Group AA opponents. And, as coach David Tibbs says, he can’t believe U.Va. isn’t over in Staunton looking at him. Are any Division I schools looking at this kid? Sure, we can argue to high heaven that he’s too small or that Scott doesn’t have an eye for passing the ball. But, for crying out loud, the kid has talent.

You know, like Michael Johnson has over at Gap.

So, speaking of Johnson’s high-step down the sideline: Hasn’t Gap’s explosive wide out done something similar to this before? Man, I just can’t put my finger on it. What was it again? Oh, yeah, it was this last December against Colonial Beach. You remember that game, it’s how the Bison made it to the Group A, Division 1 finals.

It was on the cold Swoope field that Johnson said he enjoys taking off into the end zone head-over-heels. But, and rightfully so, he said coach gets mad at him when he does it (can’t blame Rob Maxwell since, oh, I don’t know, hot dogging like that in high school will garner a flag). So when he sees a guy or two ready to meet him at the goal line he takes to the air. Or high-steps it down the sidelines when he feels someone nipping at his heels. Whichever. (Seriously, did you watch the video yet?)

Say it again: 258 yards and three touchdowns against James River? Yep, different year, same old Pickle Nuckols.

OK, whenever the Waynesboro defense wants to hold opponents to under 35 points, it’s OK by us. Seriously.

Hey, whenever anybody wants to hold R.E. Lee to under 40 points, give us a heads up, deal?

Back to Lee’s Scott: In five games, the senior quarterback has racked up more touchdowns than Charlottesville has Sister Cities. That’s 19-possibly 4 in favor of Scott, for those keeping score at home.

This time, in Harrisonburg, Goliath won.

What’s the best way to describe an interception return for a touchdown, fumbled pitch scoop and score, two onside kick recoveries with a touchdown one play later on both of them? Leave it to quote-machine Dale Spitzer, Fort Defiance’s football coach, to sum it up as best as anybody: “[Rockbridge] had a fire going and we threw gas on it.“ He’s right.

Meredith Figgatt shouldn’t worry too much. Because, and let’s be honest here, when Fort Defiance’s Whitney Fulk graduates, the Waynesboro freshman is going to own Augusta County cross country. Lock. The. Thread.

In the first game of the season, nothing seemed to working for Riverheads. In the second game, the defense wasn’t working so well. In the third game, everything was working as it should be. So, like I said, let’s schedule that Riverheads vs. Stuarts Draft game three weeks into the season. Pretty please.

Of course, that might be asking too much of the Southern Valley DoesStink schedule makers. You know who these clowns are, the same group of geniuses that can’t realize same night, different site is a horrible format to schedule basketball games. So why should we expect them to get football scheduling right? I mean, why on god’s green earth are football fans, watching pivotal district games two or three weeks into the season? Seriously. We’d tell the wonks in charge to take a gander over at the Shenandoah District and how they do it, but we’ve been preaching from that It-Makes-Sense Bible for a year now (you know, because the Shenandoah does it right in basketball too) and haven’t seen a darn thing change.

Be arrogant all you want. Be as pompous as you wanna be. But, for the love of all things good and holy, when you’re wrong, and you know you’re wrong, the change to the right way will only be applauded. It that so hard to understand?

Final thoughts: Power Rankings in print Wednesday and online around 1 p.m. on the same day. And The Sports Desk — Augusta County’s only all-local, weekly Webcast — will have it’s own video player right here on the Daily Pooch Punt. Just click the TSD tab above that photo of some slack-jawed sports blogger to see the latest episode and archives. (Big ups to DPP Web master Matt Rosenberg for coming up with that one.)