The term “wish list” usually conjures up scenes of kids tearing through an old Sears and Roebuck catalogue and folding down the corners of the pages that display photographs and descriptions of the toys they want St. Nick or St. Mom and Dad to have for them on Christmas morning. It’s fun to think that by merely dropping a penny into a well or blowing out the candles on a birthday cake or pressing a loose eyelash between your fingers can answer wishes such as winning the lottery or making Angelina Jolie or George Clooney appear in your living room, but we continue to cross our fingers and toes and wait for fame and fortune and Angelina or George to come our way.

David Letterman has his Top Ten List. Mr. Blackwell has his Best Dressed List. People magazine has its Sexiest Man Alive. So I want to present my “wish list” for 2012. Some of you may agree with my 25 wishes and some of you may disagree with them, but hey, when was the last time People magazine called you to get your opinion on the Sexiest Man Alive? That’s what I thought. 

So, here they are:

1. I wish I knew why the talentless Kardashians are worth millions while many hardworking Americans can barely stay above the poverty line.
2. I wish I understand why the directions on the back of a new pair of scissors tell you to “Cut along dotted line to remove scissors.”
3. I wish I knew why weeds grow three times faster than grass during a drought. Shouldn’t I have just sown weeds in the first place?
4. I wish I had a dime for every dime I ever lost.
5. I wish I could remember where I hid those Christmas presents.
6. I wish I knew why people who say “no pun intended” in the middle of a sentence actually intend the pun.
7. I wish I knew why so many people want to see Lindsay Lohan naked in Playboy. I can barely stand to look at her fully clothed.
8. I wish I knew why the same acts my daughters were once punished for seem adorable when my granddaughter does them.
9. I wish Alex Trebec would stop acting like he knows the answers to all the Jeopardy questions. We all know he reads them off cue cards.
10. I wish I knew why so many young Americans talk through the singing of our National Anthem and remain silent when asked to say the “Pledge of Allegiance.”
11. I wish I understood why Lady Gaga concerts sell out in less than five minutes, yet it takes a month and a half to sell enough tickets for a quilt raffle at a local church.     
12. I wish there was no such thing as sleet and freezing rain. We Southerners prefer ice in our sweet tea; not on the road.
13. I wish they’d go ahead and change the name of the TV show “America’s Funniest Home Videos” to “Men Getting Hit in the Groin with Bats, Balls, and an Array of Other Items.”
14. I wish I knew why the birds I feed in the winter leave their thanks on the hood of my car in the spring.
15. I wish I knew why “The View” was still on TV.
16. I wish I knew where I could find elbow grease. Does it come in a tube or a can? And is it in the household cleaners or the automotive section?
17. I wish I knew why shoppers can read the labels on grocery items, but are incapable of comprehending the meaning of “Twelve Items or Less” above the Express Lane.
18. I wish my wife would stop entrapping me with the opening statement “Notice anything different?”
19. I wish I knew why we purchase potting soil when the Earth is made of it.
20. I wish I knew why we purchase trash bags knowing we’re going to throw them away.
21. I wish just once I could pull into the gas station with the car’s gas tank on the side closest to the pumps.
22. I wish Lucky Charms was recommended by 4 out of 5 dentists.
23. I wish there was no such thing as “old-fashioned values”; I wish they were our present ones.
24. I wish our government was run by a group of church ladies. No one can get things done more efficiently on a small budget.
25. I wish I could throw away my to-do list forever. Now that’s a good one. Let me write it down.

Here’s hoping all your New Year’s wishes come true.