I recently spoke to a middle school classroom about working as an animal behavior consultant. We did an exercise where the students asked animal questions and then they played animal behaviorist and answered the questions before I did. There were some interesting questions and answers, and I thought you’d enjoy a smile.

How can I get my dog to hibernate?
Student Answer: Tranquilizers

My Answer: Bears hibernate; dogs do not. They do not possess the capabilities to store fat and slow down their heart rate to hibernate the way bears do. Many dogs grow an extra layer of fur to protect them from the cold. In the wild, wolves hunt year round. With domesticated dogs, we feed them year round and keep them comfy and warm, preferably in our homes.

How can I get my dog to stop barking?
Student Answer: Duh dogs bark—it’s how they talk. You can’t get your dog to stop barking anymore than I can get my sister to stop talking. (Priceless!)

My Answer: Dogs bark when they are warning us about something they hear or see or when they are bored. You can teach your dog to stop barking by calling her to you and giving her a reward when quiet. I like my dogs to bark and warn me, but then I like them to stop when I ask, so we practice this all the time. If a dog barks constantly, the dog is probably bored. Make sure the dog has plenty of interaction with you and play time to keep mind and body healthy.

How do I know if my dog is pregnant?
Student Answer: If her stomach is more bigger than usual and you can feel puppies moving.

My Answer: A veterinarian can tell if your dog is pregnant and help guide you to keeping your dog healthy throughout her pregnancy. Spaying and neutering dogs is a good idea to help keep animals from having unwanted litters. There are so many dogs and cat in shelters looking for good homes because people don’t spay and neuter their animals.

How do I get my dog to stop peeing in the house without using a crate?
Student Answers: “Get another dog so he’s embarrassed to go in front of the other dog.”
(And my favorite)—“A cork.”

My Answer: Start by watching him constantly, always keep him in sight. When he starts sniffing around, take a trip outside. If he starts peeing in the house, don’t reprimand, or punish him, just pick him up, take him outside, encourage him to continue on the grass, and praise him when he does.

Is it a good idea to teach a cat to use the toilet?
Student Answer: No, my dad already takes up too much time in the bathroom reading his paper. If the cat goes in there to read Cat World I’ll never get my turn. (Love it!)

My Answer: It is possible to train a cat to use the toilet, but it takes dedication. They even make kits that help a cat go from using a litter box to toilet training. My one concern would be that people would then not notice if the cat is having any elimination problems. Scooping a box allows us to see if our cat is going on a regular basis and the consistency. I know it’s a gross thought, but part of being a responsible pet owner is keeping track of these things to keep our animals healthy.

Hope you enjoyed wisdom from the classroom (or in some cases wisecracks from the classroom). I know I got plenty of giggles that day!